Monday, July 03, 2006

Titanic - Bollywood version

Have you ever wondered what would be in "Titanic" if the same was made in Bollywood? The name of the movie would be "Goa to Bombay". Well here it goes!

* Madhuri has to be Rose and who else but Shahrukh as JJJJJ JJJ Jack. Madhuri's fiance would be Gulshan Grover who mutters "bad man" everytime he sees Shahrukh.

* Amitabh Bacchan would make a guest appearance as the Ship's captain and would be waltzing with Madhuri during the party. Of course, he would not die.

* Shahrukh will be travelling with his sister and 5 other chamchas from college plus 50 extras who are well trained with every dance sequence in the world. * The movie would only last for 7 hours. Thanks to great piece of editing, there would be only 22 songs in the movie out of 30 in CD album.

* The ship would be overflowing with extras whom you normally find in movies that have a court scene full of people or a slum full of aam-janta. The ship will start sinking, not because of the iceberg but because of excessive on-board population.

* The infamous love making in the back seat of the car would be replaced with a song in the Swiss Alps.

* Remember Rose changing her mind about jumping into the water? In our case,Madhuri changes her mind, since...since... the ship is moving along a creek and the water stinks!

* How can we forget the painting scene? Shahrukh would be painting Madhuri's portrait with Madhuri fully covered minus the locket (Censors yaar!). This is to be followed by a dance number, with extras of course, in a art gallery.

* Shahrukh would eventually find his long lost mom Aasoo Devi on the ship. Only during the climax would Aasoo Devi tell Shahrukh about how Gulshan troubled them. Shahrukh would then yell, "Kutte mein tera khoon pee jaaoonga". The ensuing fight would only last for an hour.

* There would be an antakshari for the "drowners" conducted by Annu Kapoor instead of the trio playing the violin.

* Most important!! The number of times the word "Bachaoooo" would be yelled would be a record in the history of cinema. And the masterpiece would be waste of time...ooops waste of money without...

* "Raaaabert...Captain se ja ke kaho ke agar apni maa or bahen ko zinda dekhna chahte ho to naav ko Hindustaan kee sarhado se hamesha hamesha ke liye bahoootdoor le le..."

P.S. the script above is written by some anonymous email author.


Madhu said...

kudos to the anonymous writer....hilarious stuff

Mumbai Guy said...

And I stand to get no credit ?

Not fair :(

Vaibhav said...

Hey thats real cool stuff, i can almost imagine all those characters with the typival bollywood masala filled TITANIC .... Amazing!

Ekta said...

hilarious piece..boy I hope none of the directors hear this script..for all u know we may actually have a version of Titanic being made!

~*. D E E P A .* ~ said...

hey !

thanx for stopping by !

i havent read this before .. great stuff tho ! kudos to the writer , and to u for posting it

c ya

Siddharth said...

lets not forget the climax where shahrukh n madhuri meet above the clouds in "heaven" and exchange garlands...

serendipity said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
serendipity said...

hi - came here to answer your qn - mother child love is condiitonal - on harjees blogsite.
i interpreted "unconditional" as love that you "give" without expecting anything at all in return! but then everyone is allowed their own interpretation - right?

Mumbai Guy said... you didn't come here for my blog :(

I was just trying to extend your definition of "unconditional" in mother-child love. I say it is "unconditional" with the "condition" that child is hers. One mother cannot love someone else child just as "unconditional" as her own. That to me implies condition.

Yes - You are allowed for own interpretation and I am for my own.


starry nights said...

I think it would make a good movie.Box office. Sharukh khan my favorite.