Wedding blues

Dodging the wedding bullet until this year, family decides this is it. Ultimatum stands at May 2007. Means I just have few months of freedom :(

After not-so successful love affairs, arranged proposals looks like where I am headed. In fact, process got into quick start this month. Couple of proposals looked good but not what I/family really wanted.

Always thought there are countless girls around but when it comes to decision making, countless seems waiting-to-count. All this looked simple and smooth but just that thought of getting married to someone who would be with you for rest of your life makes for lots of anxiety.

Will keep this space updated.

ID Please...

This last weekend, I was shopping at local outlet mall. In one of the shop, as I stood in line at the counter, a lady at front was arguing at top of her voice with cashier. She was not happy when asked for some photo identification. Apparently she had used credit card and cashier wanted to see her ID as part of store policy.

I personally feel that we as a customer should actually be comfortable with store asking for identity. Especially since we are living in age of identity theft. Credit cards do not have any pin in general and hence more prone to being misused in case of it getting lost or stolen. If every store checks the id of person using cards, chances of someone using someone else card would go down drastically. Ofcourse this would be an inconvenience but then isnt that much better than crying later on?

What do you think?

Jokes

More Jokes....

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On a flight James bond was sitting next to a Telugu guy.

Telugu Guy: "Hello, May I know your name please?"

James Bond: "My name is Bond" Continuing in his inimitable style, "Bond...James Bond"

Then Bond asks: "And you?"

Telugu Guy: My name is Rao...
Siva Rao...
Samba Siva Rao...
Venkata Samba Siva Rao...
Yarlagadda Venkata Samba Siva Rao...
Rajasekhara Yarlagadda Venkata Samba Siva Rao...
Sitaramanjaneyula Rajasekhara Yarlagadda Venkata Samba Siva Rao...


James Bond faints...... ......... .....

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Vajpayee and Bush are sitting in a bar. A guy walks in and asks the barman, "Isn't that Bush and Vajpayee?" .

The barman says "Yes, thats them."

So the guy walks over and says,"Hello, what are u guys doing?"

Bush says, "We're planning world war 3"

Guy says, "Really? What's going to happen?"

Vajpayee says, "Well, we're going to kill 14 million Pakistanis and one bicycle repairman."

The guy exclaimed, "A bicycle repairman?!! !"

Vajpayee turns to Bush and says, " See, I told you no-one would worry about the 14 million Pakistanis!"


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Boss : Where were you born ?
sardar : Punjab.
Boss : which part ?
sardar : Kya which part ? Whole body born in punjab.

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On a romantic day sardar's girlfriend asks him. Darling on our engagement day will you give me a ring.
Sardar : Ya sure, from landline or mobile.

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Santa: Today is Sunday & I wanna njoy, so I bought 3 movie tickets
Jeeto: Why 3?
Santa: For you and your parents

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Museum Administrator: That's a 500-year-old statue u've broken.
Banta: Thanks God! I thought it was a new one.

men v/s women

Men are better friends than women....Example:


Women:

A wife was not at home for a whole night. So, the very next morning, she tells her husband that she stayed at her girlfriend's apartment over night. The husband calls 10 of her best girlfriend's and none of them confirm that.

Men:

A husband was not at home for a whole night. So he tells his wife the very next morning, that he stayed at his friend's apartment over night. So the wife calls 10 of his best friends: 5 of them confirm that he stayed at their apartments that night, and the other 5 are claiming that he still is there with them!

Moral of the story: Men are better friends!!!!

Disclaimer : Not my lines. Got them as forward in my inbox.

Hyderabadi Joke

This is really long conversational joke - typical hyderabadi style. You will really love it if you know hyderabadi accent. Here it goes -

In Hyderabad we have our own little Johnny. His name is Chotu.

His father is ambitious to educate Chotu. Chotu goes to school located in Tappachaputra. Its principal is educated in Urdu high school and claims that he passed tenth class! There is a school inspection the next day and the conversation is as follows :

Teacher: Kal inispector ayinga. Kochchanaa (questions) puchinga. Sab achchaa padkey aau. Koi galath answer deengaa naa tho main uske pairaan thodtoom.

Chotu: Iski maakki. Kyun aara inispector? Kaam nai hai usku? Kya kochchanaa puchta kathey?

Teacher: Abey tereku kaiku re, tu kal school aanaaich nai. Tu tera moo khola to gaaliaan ati. Tereku main absent nai daalthaum. Ghar pe baithkey gotiyaan khel. Tu school aayingaa to inispector ke saamney mere izzat ki biryaani karke khaaingaa tu.

So our Chotu is excited, goes home and tells his father that he is not going to school the next day.

Father: Yeah kyaa hai..ischool hai paan ka dabba hai? Gaand pa maartoom saale tu ischool nai gaya to.

Chotu: Arey Bava, mera teacher bola nakko aao bolke.
Father: Usku akhal hai! Begum suno! Chotu ischool nai jayinga kathey kal. Agar ino ischool nai gaya to kaise padhinga?Chotu, agar tu kal ischool nahin gaya naa, tere haathan pairaan thod daaltaum.

So Chotu cries and finally agrees to go to school. Next day at inschool, Teacher is very upset to see Chotu back:

Teacher: Arey teri maakki. Nakko aao bole to bhi kyun aaya re?

Chotu: Mera bava gaand phodtum bola ischool nai gaya to.

Teacher: offo?! Tera bava bola? Theek hai chal. Last bench pe baith aur inispector aya to chchup jaa. Dikhnaich nai. Kuch bhi gadbad karinga naa meri noukri bulle mein mil jayingi.

So Chotu goes to sit in the last bench hiding behind a tall guy. Inspector comes for the visit.

Inspector: Adaab.

Teacher: Adaab saab. Bachen acha padrain saab Kochchanaa puchey to answeraan yun bolte.

Inspector: Abaa? Offo! Itte kilever (clever) hai aapke bachchey? Achchaa, ek bahuth easy sawaal - Hamarey body mein sab se nazook cheez kaun si hai?

Teacher: Arey Imtiyaz tu bata rey!

Imtiyaz: Saab, Khaleja saab.

Inspector: Aisa! ..... woh kyun?

Imtiyaz: Saab, khaleja hai to sab kuch hota. Agar woh gaya naa, kuch bhi nahin hota saab.

Inspector: Abaa, kya tez potta hai rey! Aur koi?

Teacher: Arey Akram, tu bata re.

Akram: Saab bheja saab. Bhejey ku khuch bhi hua to kuch yaad nahin rehta saab. Haathaan pairaan kaam nai karthey,iscooter ku kick bhi nai maar sakthey saab.

Inspector: Abey Teacher, kya kya padaaraa re inku tu. Chutiye ke jaisa answeraan bolrai naa!!

In the meantime Chotu is trying very hard to hide but Inspector sees him. He thinks Chotu is hiding because he does not know the answer.

Inspector: Woh last bench pe yun jhuk ke baithaa naa woh pottey ka naam kya hai?

Teacher: kaun saab? .......Woh! (iski bhain ku, kaiku dikhaa re tu) Woh Chotu hai saab.

Inspector: Chotu? Ye kya naam hai? Kahan-kahan se lagaathey re bhai naamaan! Chotu, woh lambu ke peechchey kaiku chchup raa tu?

Chotu: Saab main moo khola to teacher maaringi saab.

Inspector: Tereku yaa mereku??

Teacher: Arey kya baath kar reh saab, main kaiku maarthaum. Ye potta ekdam badmaash hai saab, jhoot bolraa. Abey Chotu, answer maloom hain to bol nai tho khaamoosh baith jaa mere baap tere pau padthaum.

Chotu: Saab answer Gaand hai saab.

Teacher: Allaa!! Ine moo khola meri naukri bulle lag gayi re!!!

Inspector: Abey kyaa to bhi bolra re! Sharam kar badon ke saamney aisaich baathaan karthey! Yeich sikhaaye tumhaarey amma-bavaa? Gaand kahaan kaan ka answer hai re?

Chotu: Hau saab, gaand ich sabse naazook cheez hai. Kaiku bole tho wahaan pe dilli mein baamb phata....Yahan Hydrabad mein apni gaand phat thi.. Yahaan old city mein gadbadaan shuru hothey....wahaan new city mein sabki gaand phat thi gadbadaan wahaan phailtey kyaaki bolkey. Udhar kyoon saab, main yeh answer bolraun naa, mere teacher ki gaand phatrai dekho!

Hope u liked it !!!


Disclaimer - Not my lines, received this thru email forward long back.

Update

Couldn't update this slate with new post for a while due to some emergency. Back up now.

Laughs

Really short of time these days...just some forwards....have fun.

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A guy phones up his Boss, but gets the bosses' wife instead: "I'm afraid he died last week." she explains.

The next day the man calls again and asks for the boss. "I told you" the wife replies, "he died last week."

The next day he calls again and once more asks to speak to his boss. By this time the wife is getting upset and shouts:

"I'VE ALREADY TOLD YOU TWICE, MY HUSBAND, YOUR BOSS, DIED LAST WEEK! WHY DO YOU KEEP CALLING?"

"Coz . . ." he replied laughing, "I just love hearing it. . . ."

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Wife : Do you want dinner?
Husband : Sure, what are my choices?
Wife : Yes and no.

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Young Son: Is it true, Dad, that in some parts of Africa, a Man doesn't know his wife until he marries her?
Dad: That happens in every country, son.

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After a quarrel, a wife said to her husband, "You know, I was a fool when I married you."
The husband replied, "Yes, dear, but I was in love and didn't notice."


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And finally, here is one who is familiar with hyderabadi accent. One of the funniest lines I have read, ever. Forewarning : Some crude language.

Going global

Born and brought up in Mumbai amongst very diverse community, it was not long before I lost my gujarati touch. Idli dosa for breakfast, samosas for snacks and curry getting spicier, everything from food to festival and language got blended. Life was fun. Until I left Mumbai.

Everytime I come across my fellow Gujarati friends/strangers, I always get volley of questions like what kind of Patel am I, what sect, what diety do I worship, etc... Honestly, I don't know. I never asked my parents and they never forced me to know these answers.

Once they come to know that I am weak in speaking my mother tongue, they seem not pleased. I am lectured on how important it is to learn and keep mother tongue. I am not against my parental language, just that I grew up more with mumbaiya hindi. So why is that look which says I am missing something? Not that I care but it does make me feel uncomfortable.

Just the other day in one of the parties, I was relishing chicken tikka and there comes my guju friend and ask me how chicken is. Once I told him it is good, he walks away from me. This started few questions go around my head(Gujus are not supposed to eat any kind of meat...well most of them.) but I started smiling again. He came back with chicken on his plate ;)

Back home, things got more global. All the kids in family and around are more Hinglish than any other language. (Hinglish = Hindi + English(American)). Wonder what's in store for them.

Parents

All I want to say in this post is please dont find excuse to not be with parents, not help parents. Actually you should find excuse to help them and be with them. (And this applies to both parents as well as in-laws. No distinction.)

Check this email forward that reached me. I agree with what it is trying to say.

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An IT guy describes how his gesture of booking an air ticket for his father, his maiden flight, brought forth a rush of emotions and made him realize that how much we all take for granted when it comes to our parents.

My parents left for our native place on Thursday and we went to the airport to see them off. In fact, my father had never traveled by air before, so I just took this opportunity to make him experience the same. In spite of being asked to book tickets by train, I got them tickets on Jet Airways.

The moment I handed over the tickets to him, he was surprised to see that I had booked them by air. The excitement was very apparent on his face, waiting for the time of travel. Just like a school boy, he was preparing himself on that day and we all went to the airport, right from using the trolley for his luggage, the baggage check-in and asking for window seat and waiting restlessly for the security check-in to happen.

He was thoroughly enjoying himself and I, too, was overcome with joy watching him experience all these things.

As they were about to go in for the security check-in, he walked up to me with tears in his eyes and thanked me. He became very emotional and it was not as if I had done something great but the fact that this meant a great deal to him.

When he said thanks, I told him there was no need to thank me. But later, thinking about the entire incident, I looked back at my life.

As a child how many dreams our parents have made come true. Without understanding the financial situation, we ask for sports gear, fancy clothes, toys, outings, etc. Irrespective of their affordability,they have catered to all our needs. Did we ever think about the sacrifices they had to make to accommodate many of our wishes? Did we ever say thanks for all that they have done for us? Better yet, do you even think just thanks is enough?

Same way, today when it comes to our children, we always think that we should put them in a good school. Regardless of the amount of donation, we will ensure that we will have to give the child the best, theme parks, toys, etc. But we tend to forget that our parents have sacrificed a lot for our sake to see us happy, so it is our responsibility to ensure that their dreams are realized and what they failed to see when they were young, it is our responsibility to ensure that they experience all those and their life is complete.

Many times, when my parents had asked me some questions, I have actually answered back without patience. When my daughter asks me something, I have been very polite in answering. Now I realize how they would have felt at those moments. Let us realize that old age is a second childhood and just as we take care of our children,the same attention and same care need to be given to our parents and elders.

Rather than my dad saying thank you to me, I would want to say sorry for making him wait so long for this small dream. I do realize how much he has sacrificed for my sake and I will do my best to give the best possible attention to all their wishes. Just because they are old does not mean that they will have to give up everything and keep sacrificing for their grandchildren also. They have wishes, too.

Take care of ur parents...Please!!!

Devotee, Me.

Shri Shiva Vishnu Temple. Washington DC. The beautiful temple which I try to visit once a month unless am travelling away. I am not very religious but this place really brings peace to me. I have been a regular since past 8 years and lot of it has changed. It has grown bigger in size and in terms of number of devotees.

The name says Shiva Vishnu Temple, but it houses almost all Hindu Gods. There is Lord Ganesha, Lord Muruga, Lord Shiva, Lord Vishnu, Lord Ayappa, Lord Rama, Lord Venkatesa, Lord Krisha, and many more. You can see people praying to Gods they like. More devoted onces offer Archanas(special prayers and offering to God).

They have nice auditorium where they have community functions and they also teach kids about literature, dance, languages, etc. On other side of temple, you could see someone performing car Puja so as to ask God keep his car safe in traffic(I think).

One thing I like in South Indians is that they are more devoted and I can see them more regular at temple. And perhaps, they are the only ones in all age groups. They dress the kids in traditional clothes and that is a treat to watch.

Today during the Archana, someone had his cellphone ring and that big guy starts talking loudly for full two minutes. Maybe that was important call but does someone have to keep talking right at middle of Archana? I may never understand.

One interesting thing I have noticed is lot many people here go to temple regularly compared to time they would be in India. Like myself, I hardly used to go to temple in India. Here I am quite a regular.

And yes, to be honest, one of the reason a bachelor like me makes it a point to get up early on weekend and drive for 45 mins to go see Gods is food at temple. Without doubt that would be the best food I can rate and savour. Just Yummy ;)

Return Policy

Someone I know, hurried upto a department store and returned suitcase he used during his three week long vacation. He was lecturing on how wise he is on saving money by returning things before the expiration of return date.

Just when I thought him to be an isolated 'ass' case, I came across friends who would return Car baby seats after using it for a while, friends who would return digital cameras/camcoders after taking hundreds of pictures to thier satisfaction, and someone in my office who would return all her expensive clothes back to store after wearing them at parties or two. I can list hundreds of such examples.

The problem with these people is not that they are unhappy with the product or something not upto satisfaction. It is that plain cheap mindset of returning goods back to the store after using it to thier satisfaction. They think it is thier basic right. You can see that beaming false pride in thier face once they get money back.

I hate these people and really curse them that they suffer the double the cost they inflict on store/manufacturers one way or other. And I have seen them suffer and I can tell you in blog that it brings smile to my face.

If you are one of those people, please stop useless and pointless returns. Just think for a moment, if you are the owner of store, if you are the manufacturer, if your customer is abusing your policy, how will you feel. Will you like someone doing that to you? So please, think before you return and think hundred times before you buy.

Definitions/Meanings.

ClassiC DefinitionS & CooL MeaningS

1.Cigarette : A pinch of tobacco rolled in paper with fire at one end & a fool at the other.

2. Love affairs : Something like cricket where one-day internationals are more popular than a five day test.

3.Marriage : It's an agreement in which a man loses his bachelor degree and a woman gains her master

4.Divorce:Future tense of marriage

5.Lecture : An art of transferring information from the notes of the lecturer to the notes of the students without passing through "the minds of either".

6. Conference: The confusion of one man multiplied by the number present.

7.Compromise : The art of dividing a cake in such a way that everybody believes he got the biggest piece.

8.Tears : The hydraulic force by which masculine will-power is defeated by feminine water-power ..

9.Dictionary : A place where divorce comes before marriage.

10.Conference Room : A place where everybody talks, nobody listens & everybody disagrees later on.

11.Ecstasy: A feeling when you feel you are going to feel a feeling you have never felt before.

12.Classic : A book which people praise, but do not read.

13.Smile : A curve that can set a lot of things straight.

14. Office : A place where you can relax after your strenuous home life.

15.Yawn: The only time some married men ever get to open their mouth.

16.Etc.: A sign to make others believe that you know more than you actually do.

17.Committee:Individuals who can do nothing individually and sit to decide that nothing can be done together.

18.Experience: The name men give to their mistakes.

19.Atom Bomb: An invention to end all inventions.

20.Philosopher : A fool who torments himself during life, to be spoken of when dead.

21.Diplomat : A person who tells you to go to hell in such a way that you actually look forward to the trip.

22.Opportunist: A person who starts taking bath if he accidentally falls into a river.

23.Optimist : A person who while falling from EiffelTowersays in midway "See I am not injured yet."

24.Pessimist :- A person who says that O is the last letter in ZERO,
Instead of the first letter in word OPPORTUNITY.

25.Miser : A person who lives poor so that he can die rich.

26.Father: A banker provided by nature.

27. Criminal : A guy no different from the rest... except that he got caught.

28.Boss : Someone who is early when you are late and late when you are early.

29.Politician: One who shakes your hand before elections and your Confidence after.

30.Doctor : A person who kills your ills by pills, and kills you with his bills!!

Blog Appeal

Saw this appeal at Starry's blog and thought would share with you all.

Lalitha's post

Thanks.

Funny Applications

Got this in email today and some of the lines literally cracked me up aloud. Some of you might have read this already but here it goes.

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This is a collection of leave letters and applications written by people in various places of India ...
1. Infosys, Bangalore : An employee applied for leave as follows:Since I have to go to my village to sell my land along with my wife, please sanction me one-week leave.

2. This is from Oracle Bangalore:From an employee who was performing the "mundan" ceremony of his 10 year old son: "as I want to shave my son's head, please leave me for two days.."

3. Another gem from CDAC. Leave-letter from an employee who was performing his daughter's wedding:"as I am marrying my daughter, please grant a week's leave.."

4. From H.A.L . Administration dept:"As my mother-in-law has expired and I am only one responsible for it, please grant me 10 days leave."

5. Another employee applied for half day leave as follows:"Since I've to go to the cremation ground at 10 o-clock and I may not return, please grant me half day casual leave"

6. An incident of a leave letter"I am suffering from fever, please declare one day holiday."

7. A leave letter to the headmaster:"As I am studying in this school I am suffering from headache. I request you to leave me today"

8. Another leave letter written to the headmaster:"As my headache is paining, please grant me leave for the day."

9. Covering note: "I am enclosed herewith..."

10. Another one: "Dear Sir: with reference to the above, please refer to my below..."

11. Actual letter written for application of leave:"My wife is suffering from sickness and as I am her only husband at home I may be granted leave".

12. Letter writing: -"I am in well here and hope you are also in the same well."

13. A candidate's job application:"This has reference to your advertisement calling for a ' Typist and an Accountant - Male or Female'...As I am both(!! )for the past several years and I can handle both with good experience, I am applying for the post .


Smile please :-)

Baby Talks.

Most of my friends are married and have kid or two. What I have noticed is that few of them just go on and on about thier kids all the time. Right from what words they learnt yesterday to what they were wearing in morning and what food they eat in afternoon and on what side of the bed they slept in evening.

Like this office co-worker of mine. I am subjected to baby stories every time I come across her. In the begining I was all ears but gradually all the stories have just been getting longer and more details. I really dont know what to say about each of those 384 baby pictures in that album she brings to me.

I do understand that all parents have cute babies and kids mean a lot to them. But do you really have to bore someone to death by sharing every minute details of what your baby did/does/do? I am not being mean here but I really think there is a line at which you should stop. I try to keep a smiling face when these stories start but sometimes even my face gives away. I really wish people know when to stop.

What do you think - Is it just me?

Ogle Google

Email forward from a friend which cracked me up. Might not be the best google ad ever but indeed the one to ogle at.

Identity Theft

Talking further on Identity Theft, I can relate one of my personal experience. Couple of years back, I used to chat with my net pals on Yahoo chat rooms. We used to hear about email getting hacked and how easy it was to hack any password. I always knew that passwords could be hacked but I didn't realize how easy it was for someone to go into our account. Yupe, until my email got hacked repeatedly by fellow chatter.

He had all the access to our emails and he was proud to showcase his skills openly in chatroom. Smart thing I did(lucky me) was that I always used dummy email id to chat. But what worried me was the claim by this guy that it is just easy to hack any password and that he got the how-to from google itself. I knew for sure that he wasn't a big time hacker. He said he meant no harm but I was already fuming with nothing else I could do. Complaints to Yahoo are not entertained. I guess they just couldn't be bothered.

Some friends said the emails with no username/subject/body was to blame and some said opening some attachments makes you prone to hacking. Whatever but google of this topic just made me realize how easy it was for others to get your information.

Just think for a moment, someone is able to access your email account which you have used in some website around the internet. How unsettling it would be?

Lessons I learned that day:
-- Never store personal information in free email accounts which do not use secure https connections.
-- Keep changing your password quite often.
-- Never make your email id public.
-- Use seperate account for personal correspondence and others for public use.
-- Delete all spam without opening.
And above all, Use upto date firewall and anti-virus protection.

Please protect your information, it is more private, it is more worthy and it is just yours, than you may realize.

Deadly Stupidity.

CNN news : A waitress at a bar was checking photo id to see if customer was old enough to drink. Guess what? Customer was flashing driver's license which belonged to waitress herself. Case of identity theft right back to victim's face. Check this link for this news,
http://www.cnn.com/2006/LAW/08/01/bar.id.ap/index.html


How stupid can one get? Check out more at www.darwinawards.com. I am sure you will be carried away by long read. Have fun.

Random facts?

The email forward I received said "Good to know these facts". I don't know how many of these are really factual, but thought you might like to read. Here goes:


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1. Chewing on gum while cutting onions can help a person from stop producing tears. Try it next time you chop onions!!!!!!!!!!

2. Until babies are six months old, they can breathe and swallow at the same time. Indeed convenient!

3. Offered a new pen to write with, 97% of all people will write their own name.

4. Male mosquitoes are vegetarians. Only females bite.

5. The average person's field of vision encompasses a 200-degree wide angle.

6. To find out if a watermelon is ripe, knock it, and if it sounds hollow then it is ripe.

7. Canadians can send letters with personalized postage stamps showing their own photos on each stamp.

8. Babies' eyes do not produce tears until the baby is approximately six to eight weeks old.

9. It snowed in the Sahara Desert in February of 1979.

10. Plants watered with warm water grow larger and more quickly than plants watered with cold water.

11. Wearing headphones for just an hour will increase the bacteria in your ear by 700 times.

12. Grapes explode when you put them in the microwave.

13. Those stars and colours you see when you rub your eyes are called phosphenes.

14. Our eyes are always the same size from birth, but our nose and ears never stop growing.

15. Everyone's tongue print is different, like fingerprints.

16. Contrary to popular belief, a swallowed chewing gum doesn't stay in the gut. It will pass through the system and be excreted.

17. At 40 Centigrade a person loses about 14. 4 calories per hour by breathing.

18. There is a hotel in Sweden built entirely out of ice; it is rebuilt every year.

19. Cats, camels and giraffes are the only animals in the world that walk right foot, right foot, left foot, left foot, rather than right foot,left foot...

20. Onions help reduce cholesterol if eaten after a fatty meal.

21. The sound you hear when you crack your knuckles is actually the sound of nitrogen gas bubbles bursting.

22. In most watch advertisements the time displayed on the watch is 10:10 because then the arms frame the brand of the watch and make it look=20 like it's smiling.

23. The color blue can have a calming affect on people.

24. Depending upon the shade, the brain may send up to 11 tranquilizing chemicals to calm the body

25. Leonardo da Vinci could write with the one hand and draw with the other simultaneously. Now we know why his pictures were exquisite!!

26. Names of the three wise monkeys are: Mizaru (See no evil), Mikazaru(Hear no evil), and Mazaru (Speak no evil).

27. The only 2 animals that can see behind itself without turning it's head are the rabbit and parrot.

28. The only 15 letter word that can be spelled without repeating a letter is uncopyrightable.

29. Babies are born without knee caps. They don't appear until the child reaches 2-6 years of age

30. The names of the continents all end with the same letter with which they start.

31. Electricity doesn't move through a wire but through a field around the wire.

32. All U.S. Presidents have worn glasses; some of them just didn't like to be seen wearing them in public.

33. No word in the English language rhymes with month, orange, silver, and purple.

34. Raw cashews are poisonous and must be roasted before.

Mideast Crisis

June 25 : Militants dig a big tunnel, attack Israeli Army Post, kill two israeli Army men, take Cpl. Gilad Shalit hostage. Same attack also kills two Israeli civilians. Israel threatens to attack Gaza unless soldier is returned. Israel starts offensive operations in Gaza Strip.

July 12 : Hizbollah militants ambuse Israeli soldiers, killing three and capturing two. Israel calls this act of war and demands its soldiers be released or face consequences. Israel starts to bomb Lebanon.


Simple questions : Who provocates who here? What were they really thinking?

Hundreds of civilians dead, thousands injured, property damaged beyond imagination, fear and starvation around. And what is Hizbollah leader Nasarallah broadcasting to world? That his army of Hezbollah is still intact. That means he is not at all worried about any kind of destruction and misery to people of Lebanon. All for two Israeli soldiers? So who is to be blamed for all this mess?

Hizbollah has been aimlessly firing rockets at Haifa and all over Israeli cities. Do they care for civilians? Are they not trying to provocate Israel as much as they can? Why are they crying foul when Israel responds? I am not defending Israel here. But Hezbollah is more at guilt especially when they started all this shit. May God protect people of Lebanon and Israel.

Questions which I dont get is why is no one in middle east or all those America/Israel bashers asking for return of kidnapped soldiers? Why are they only talking about Israel's response?

No matter what anyone says, terrorist activity is not justified. Be it any group, any country or any religion. There is no justification to any violence that cause misery to innocent civilians.

Mumbai Petition

Generally I don't have any hope for any kind of online petitions. Largely because they just go around and around taking lot of bandwidth and the people who are actually supposed to respond to those petitions hardly do care.

But here is one from Times Of India Group, which says that they will donate one rupee for every signature on petition to the Mumbai blast victims. Looks like a noble cause to me. If you care, please sign. Thanks.

http://timesofindia.indiatimes.com/mumbaipetitionpostro.cms

Hero in You.

Day after the unfortunate event in Mumbai, most of us are still finding it difficult to get over the gory images set in our eyes. Much more devastation and misery have befallen the families who have lost thier loved ones. Just unimaginable what they must be going through. As we pray God to give them strength, Lets take time to introspect ourself.

Almost all of us are busy blaming each and everything we can think of. By blaming someone or something, we think we have done our job. We think we have paid our respect to fallen ones. We go great lengths talking and writing about the incident and everything related to it. After some time, we forget everything. Newspapers are quick to scream that life has returned to normalcy. Indeed few of us return to our daily chore. But life for unfortunate ones is never the same. So what exactly should we do? Though question and more difficult is the answer. But we can try to make life easier. Atleast we can try. It involves we playing our part to full potential.

Most of us blame the politicians for lot of mess. We may be right but then how many of us have actually cared to vote? We blame Bihar for giving politicians like Laloo. Look at our own Mumbai which is supposed to be one of the advanced city in India. Does anyone know Majority of Mumbai Politicians are Mafias and have no clean record? But everyone knows that the "educated" mass would just be happy criticising from a distance. So these evil men take help of illetrates and poor people with help of money and muscle to get themselves elected. We should know that we are fortunate enough to have power to vote people we like and vote out ones we dislike. But no, we don't care. We spend election holiday giving lectures at home or by dozing off. We like to cry when they directly become a pain to us. Take all family members, educate as much as you can to people around us and vote for right people. Even if your choice of vote does not come up, you know that you have fulfilled your responsibility. If you dont have time to vote, please do not complain about how they do not rule properly.

How many times have we bothered to help anyone? If a poor man is being opressed, someone getting abused, we hardly pause to look at them. Why is it that we only complain when we are at receiveing end? Cannot we take time to rescue someone? True that we lose some of our precious time but at the end of it, we have the satisfaction of giving someone justice.

It is the system around us we have to blame. And who made this whole system? It is we. Ourself. When we give bribe to someone, know that you are as much as a part of corrupt system as the taker of bribe. When you walk away from someone asking for help, know that you are useless entity.

How many of us have bothered to volunteer in any kind of social work? Forget about trying to help regularly, most of us hardly volunteer even once. We are too busy with ourselves and too selfish. But when bad things happen to us, we like to cry out loud.
We have big bucks to spend on movies and fancy restaurents or some sports not even distantly related to us. How about donating a fraction of our earnings to the needy? No, we dont have any money for that.

Mid-day newspaper today had picture of Rani Mukherjee in front page titled 'Did Rani break up Aditya Chopra's Marraige?' along with Mumbai coming back to normal. Do we need such news as what Rani is upto in popular newspaper and that too on day like today? But it is a common headline and content in almost every newspaper everyday. That is because we are more interested in all this glamour. These are the same stars who charge millions of bucks to appear for national heritage programs. How about we all giving fraction of support to our day-to-day hereos who work to make our lives easier. Like our soldiers in armed forces sacrificing thier time with families and taking bullets for us? Do we even have time for them?

Everyone of us has a role to play. Lets not wait until tomorrow, lets not wait for someone. Let us be a good human being, let us do our duty. Just by watching movies like "Rang De Basanti" and appreciating it does not make things right. Be a Hero yourself by being a hero. Every day is your day. You are the character. Not saying you should stand up everywhere, but you should stand up wherever you can. Use every authority you can to stand up for truth, to stand up for help. The day you help someone for anything, no matter in what way, no matter in however small way, know that you are a Hero. That would be a real tribute to all the fallen ones. That would keep many from falling. A responsible you.

Mumbai Blasts

The sick, cowardic and bastardized acts of violence on Mumbai trains is indeed deplorable by one and all. Dreams in mind, tired from work all day and making a way home to waiting parents, wife/husband, children, hundreds of them just perished. Whoever did this, I hope do not get away unpunished.

Between the time finding out about friends and families well being, I also saw TV reports of people in Mumbai giving first aid to injured, rushing many to hospitals, distributing biscuits and water to stranded commuters making thier way home. Bravo, my dear fellow mumbaikars.

May God give strength to families of bereaved and May God bring peace in world.

As they say, Mumbai is the city that never sleeps, I hope this time it gives sleepless nights to all bastards concerned with tuesdays cowardic act.

Never Give Up

This Picture says it all. Need I say more?

Restroom Ethics

It was lunch time and I was washing myself up in restroom when I saw an office colleague holding some book just walk out without cleaning himself. I asked him as to why he is just walking off without washing his hands. He was taken aback with my yell and replied he was just reading his book. That was silly and lie. But neverthless he washed his hands after that. Maybe because he thought I would tell others.

How many times have you seen fellow coworker or friend or colleague or stranger just walk out of restroom without cleaning himself? I hope you are not one of them. I am not.

As much as it is very "eeeww", we seldom can force this person to clean up his acts. And it is same for strangers and friends. We just feel uncomfortable to ask the person that he needs to wash his hands.

This is one type of person I just despise. Cmon, you are educated, you have and are using best facilities and still dont have time and need to clean your hands? Why? I just fail to understand.

I have not bothered about my friendship, not bothered to act as moral police to tell these sickos to clean up. Either verbally or as a joke in third person.

There are also those, who refuses to flush after use. Lucky for some of us, nowadays automatic ones come to our rescue.

There are Einstein's who just love to read in public restrooms. Private and at home I can understand but that smelly public one?
And if you thought our Einstein's are bad, wait for our worst ones. Yupe, am talking about jerks who love to eat inside the restrooms. If not for some restrictions, I am sure they would be taking whole lunch inside. Really EEEEWWW at those.

Titanic - Bollywood version

Have you ever wondered what would be in "Titanic" if the same was made in Bollywood? The name of the movie would be "Goa to Bombay". Well here it goes!

* Madhuri has to be Rose and who else but Shahrukh as JJJJJ JJJ Jack. Madhuri's fiance would be Gulshan Grover who mutters "bad man" everytime he sees Shahrukh.

* Amitabh Bacchan would make a guest appearance as the Ship's captain and would be waltzing with Madhuri during the party. Of course, he would not die.

* Shahrukh will be travelling with his sister and 5 other chamchas from college plus 50 extras who are well trained with every dance sequence in the world. * The movie would only last for 7 hours. Thanks to great piece of editing, there would be only 22 songs in the movie out of 30 in CD album.

* The ship would be overflowing with extras whom you normally find in movies that have a court scene full of people or a slum full of aam-janta. The ship will start sinking, not because of the iceberg but because of excessive on-board population.

* The infamous love making in the back seat of the car would be replaced with a song in the Swiss Alps.

* Remember Rose changing her mind about jumping into the water? In our case,Madhuri changes her mind, since...since... the ship is moving along a creek and the water stinks!

* How can we forget the painting scene? Shahrukh would be painting Madhuri's portrait with Madhuri fully covered minus the locket (Censors yaar!). This is to be followed by a dance number, with extras of course, in a art gallery.

* Shahrukh would eventually find his long lost mom Aasoo Devi on the ship. Only during the climax would Aasoo Devi tell Shahrukh about how Gulshan troubled them. Shahrukh would then yell, "Kutte mein tera khoon pee jaaoonga". The ensuing fight would only last for an hour.

* There would be an antakshari for the "drowners" conducted by Annu Kapoor instead of the trio playing the violin.

* Most important!! The number of times the word "Bachaoooo" would be yelled would be a record in the history of cinema. And the masterpiece would be waste of time...ooops waste of money without...

* "Raaaabert...Captain se ja ke kaho ke agar apni maa or bahen ko zinda dekhna chahte ho to naav ko Hindustaan kee sarhado se hamesha hamesha ke liye bahoootdoor le le..."


P.S. the script above is written by some anonymous email author.

One of one liner Jokes

Q. Why are south indians dark?
A. Because they only watch SUN TV.
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Reading this I couldn't stop my laughing out loud. Ok wait, allow me to clear one thing. I am not making fun of anyone here, definetly not my intention.

But the reason I found this funny is because "almost" all my tamil friends only watch SUN TV. Yes, even in US of A. No CNN, no FOX, no nothing. Just SUN TV.

When I threw this joke at my Tamil friends, some were not amused. Obviously they think someone is promoting STAR TV.

Corporate lesson

Following is the snippet of email forward I received this morning. Pretty much like Dilbert joke, a fun read.




CORPORATE LESSON

A young executive was leaving the office at 6 PM when he found the CEO standing in front of a shredder with a piece of paper in his hand.

"Listen," said the CEO, "this is a very sensitive and important document and my secretary has left. Can you make this thing work?"

"Certainly, Sir" said the young executive. He turned the machine on, inserted the paper, and pressed the start button.

"Excellent, excellent!" said the CEO as his paper disappeared inside the machine. "I just need one copy."

Lesson - Never, never assume that your BOSS knows everything.

Skyrocketing Salary

Got this cartoon forward in my Inbox. Good one if you ask me.

Warren Buffet

Todays News :
Warren Buffett, the second richest man in world, today announced that he will gradually give 85% of his wealth(worth over 35 Billion dollars) to Charity.

What I think :
Giving away millions from billions is okay. Giving away a billion from billions may be okay. But giving away most of the billions from billions is just unbelievable. There are no words with me to describe this very noble act of his.

What others do :
When much of elites of corporate, glamour and sports world are busy with lavish spending, this man in his late years is talking of charity. He pledged much of his funds to Bill and Melinda Gates Foundation. This also shows his trust on Bill Gates and his work. Great people, Great work.

My salute to man with golden heart, Warren Buffet!!

Rajnikanth, Newton and the laws of physics

Recently I got a chance to see Rajnikanth's new movie Chandramukhi at my friend's place. I dont understand Tamil language but always wanted to see Rajnikanth's movie. 10 minutes into the movie and here is what I saw:

Echoes and flashes in middle of movie yelling "SUPERSTAR... SUPERSTAR... SUPERSTAR".

Rajni as he is called, makes an entry trying to save heroine. He creates a wind twister with help of his legs to fight the thugs. That was it. I couldn't digest anything after that.

Not saying other Indian movies are good and this movie was bad, just that I really feel our superstars dish out good sensible movies.

Here is the related email forward I received sometimes back. N-joy.

WHY NEWTON COMMITTED SUICIDE???

Here is the reason.

Once, Newton came to India and watched a few Tamil movies that had his head spinning. He was convinced that all his logic and laws in physics were just a huge pile of junk and apologized for everything he had done.In the movie of Rajanikanth, Newton was confused to such an extent that he went paranoid. Here are a few scenes

1) Rajanikanth has a Brain Tumor which, according to the doctors can't be cured and his death is imminent. In one of the fights, our great Rajanikanth is shot in the head. To everybody's surprise, the bullet passes through his ears taking away the tumor along with it and he is cured!
Long Live Rajanikanth!

2) In another movie, Rajanikanth is confronted with 3 gangsters. Rajanikanth has a gun but unfortunately only one bullet and a knife. Guess, what he does? He throws the knife at the middle gangster? & shoots the bullet towards the knife. The knife cuts the bullet into 2 pieces, which kills both the gangsters on each side of the middle gangster & the knife kills the middle one.

3) Rajanikanth is chased by a gangster. Rajanikanth has a revolver but no bullets in it. Guess what he does. Nah? Not even in your remotest imaginations. He waits for the gangster to shoot. As soon as the gangster shoots, Rajanikanth opens the bullet compartment of his revolver and catches the bullet. Then, he closes the bullet compartment and fires his gun. Bang...the gangster dies...

This was too much for our Newton to take! He was completely shaken and decided to go back. But he happened to see another movie for one last time, and thought that at least one movie would follow his theory of physics. The whole movie goes fine and Newton is happy that all in the world hasn't changed. Oops, not so fast!

The 'climax' finally arrives. Rajanikanth gets to know that the villain is on the other side of a very high wall. So high that Rajanikanth can't jump even if he tries like one of those superman techniques that our heroes normally use. Rajanikanth has to desperately kill the villain because it's the climax.
(Newton dada is smiling since it is virtually impossible?)

Rajanikanth suddenly pulls two guns from his pockets. He throws one gun in the air and when the gun has reached above the height of the wall, he uses the second gun and shoots at the trigger of the first gun in air. The first gun fires off and the villain is dead.

Newton Commits Suicide!!!!!!!!!!

Have Fun !!!!!

Creative Resume

Someone forwarded me this link. Quite interesting. They say this guy got hired by Microsoft. Whad do ya think?

http://www.paradoxware.com/alstudio/cv/en.htm

Mirror

What would life be without mirror? How would we envision ourselves? We get up in morning and first thing we do is head out to closest mirror and check how we evolved since the last time mirror helped describe. We know what we look like and try to make faces and see if we could improve or change the way we look. We have the image from mirror all the time that gives us our identity. Wonder what life was without mirror?!

Random Thoughts

Jokes around the Internet

I keep getting interesting and funny and wierd jokes. I will post them here occasionally. Enjoy

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The children were lined up in the cafeteria of a Catholic elementary school for lunch.
At the head of the table was a large pile of apples. The nun made a note, and
posted on the apple tray, "Take only one. God is watching."

Moving further along the lunch line, at the other end of the table was a
large pile of chocolate chip cookies. A child had written a note, "Take
all you want. God is watching the apples."

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What are the three fastest ways of communication?
Three fastest means of communication in the world.
Tele-phone
Tele-vision
Tell-a-woman.
You still want faster? (Tell her not to tell anyone )